“It’s what you can let go of; that determines how high you can fly”
Let go of whatever does not serve you
Perhaps as a result of watching a couple of ‘TED Talks’ on self confidence, I had a suggestion on my youtube homepage, for a video entitled ‘How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You’.
I’ve put the videos at the bottom of this post.
It’s a very interesting topic. I’ve had friends that are completely crippled and stifled by what people think of them; and they’ll judge me and stifle me with their own insecurities.
Everyone needs to be a ‘people pleaser’ and act the same as everyone else, stay in the mainstream for every facet of themselves and their characteristics; too scared to do anything, to scared to fail and too scared to be labelled different or weird.
In additional, they’ll start to judge others by their own insecurities – they’ll cringe, call you weird, laugh at you, give you a negative image. Thus perpetuating the vicious circle of judging others and protecting one’s own self image.
Some important points to consider:
F*ck what others think; have your own agenda and stick to that.
For example; mine might be:
– Making the right decisions morally
– Being honest and having courage to politely pointing out wrong-doing
– Not acting aggressively
– Being patient
– Being tolerant and polite
Not saying I’m particularly good at any of the above things, but that’s my agenda, and that’s what I’ll judge myself on. I’ll listen to others peoples feedback based on my own agenda. If they call me weird or stupid, that doesn’t come into it.
People will re-align their own value system to suit their own agenda. For example a business man may judge others (and himself) and wealth and ‘career’; whereas a bodybuilder may judge others on the size of their biceps.
Let them get on with their own biased values, and just concentrate on your own
Expression Not Impression
When communicating, focus on expressing yourself. People focus on the people around them, and think about, what those people are thinking.
Don’t do that! Focus on expressing yourself, think about what you’re doing, not what they’re thinking.
Positive Self Talk
In order to forget what others think, it’s important to ‘love yourself’. This starts with positive self talk, and having your own agenda of values.
Recommend watching this video on this subject:
Push the Boundaries – Desensitise yourself
Build up slowly on letting go of what people think and not being a ‘people pleaser’. Have the courage to fall out with people and try things you’re afraid to fail at – because you worry about what people think. F*ck what people think.
As a former wannabe martial artists/kickboxer; the most infuriating thing to all combat athletes I have ever spoken to, are those people who are too scared to put it on the line, those people that hide in the crowd and that judge others and laugh at them for fighting and losing.
They are the cowards – the worse you are as a fighter, the more courage it takes to get into the ring or cage. I’ve been laughed at when I said I got KO’d in my first kickboxing fight, but guess what? That person had never fought; never experience the fear, the adrenaline and overcome it to step in front of hundreds of people. Probably because he was too afraid of what people may think if he lost. Don’t let these cowards stop you:
With sports and endeavours specifically in mind, never let anyone else’s view of you or judgements stop you. Please read this:
Be More Positive About Other People
Ever noticed that the people that constantly bitch and complain about others, can not take any feedback or criticism themselves?
Weird thing that they can’t accept criticism, but dish it out all day themselves.
Be more positive about other people, and you’ll start to assume people think positively about you.
This helps me to deal with people and not judge or get angry – remember that there is good and bad in every society, and that people are designed biologically and evolutionarily just to want to survive and be greedy etc. If the ‘bad’ ones in society are not running around with guns and murdering people, then you are very lucky – as this does happen in many countries.
Hopefully with the above in mind, you can be more positive about everyone.
Never tut at people either, tutting is for bellends.
Remember Marketing Exploits People’s Insecurities
Best example, Marlboro cigarettes using cowboys in their adverts to exploit men insecure about their masculinity. Fashion is the same, as well as many other forms of marketing, including the fitness and sports nutrition industry.
If people judge you because you’re not conforming to what marketing agencies and campaigns what have you believe is important; then they are idiots and are judging you based on your own insecurities. F*ck those idiots.
Praise yourself and others for the things you/they do Right
The video explains this really well. But in essence, you use a carrot rather than a stick. So praise and focus on the things you do correctly, and use that to reinforce ‘good’ behaviour, rather than shouting when ‘incorrect’ behaviour is carried out:
Do you want to be a clone or yourself? Be yourself!
Don’t let people force you to ‘conform’, be yourself, see what Rocky has to say:
Here are some more videos, have a watch if you get time:
Loved this piece, Drew. Great write up and use of videos. 🙂